First off, let me start by saying, I am not Susie Homemaker and I never said that I was.
On Tuesday evening while I was playing with the puggle in my newly decorated dining room I accidentally knocked over one of my big lightbulbs and it shattered all over the floor. After looking at the mess on the floor a few thoughts entered my head:
"Well crap, I was supposed to leave for trivia in a few minutes. How can I quickly clean this up and still have a beer in my hand in 20 minutes?"
"Hmmm...I don't own a broom...or a dustpan and I think the glass will kill the already weak motor of my Swiffer Vac."
"PAPER TOWELS! I can grab a bunch of paper towels and attempt to sweep up the mess."
I then took about half a roll of paper towels and sweeped the glass shards into the center of the dining room.
"Ok...I've collected all the glass together but I don't have any way to transport it so I guess I'll leave it and buy a broom tonight."
"Suz, seriously you can't leave glass just out on the floor! What if Opie tries to eat it?!"
I had a eureka moment when I decided to use more paper towels to cover up the glass so Opie couldn't see it/eat it. But knowing her, she'd eat the paper towels and get to the glass anyway. So I put my ottoman on top of the glass pile.
That's right folks, I put an ottoman on top of paper towels on top of glass so I could go drink beer and deal with it later.
So this brings us to today, Friday, I have yet to buy a broom, and the ottoman with the glass is still sitting in the middle of my dining room. My dog walker and other humans have been in my house and have seen said glass and no one has brought it up. My ottoman and glass pile are literally the pink elephant in the room.
The worst part of it, I live across the street from a Menards where brooms come in all shapes and colors but I haven't walked my non-domestic butt over there to get one and tonight I'm meeting a co-worker for drinks so I doubt I'll be visiting the store this evening.
I'm totally going to domestic hell for this.
Update: Ramon (the owner of six Domino's pizza places in Chicago) just sent me the following tweet.